Archive for Drayton McLane

Drayton’s Business

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 16, 2009 by Cabeza De Vaca

There’s an amusing article in the Houston Chronicle about Drayton McLane encouraging Houston business leaders to become visionaries.  The funny part is the description of McLane’s business:

“McLane is the chairman of the McLane Group, a company that makes root beer, tracks down hard-to-find foods like Abba-Zaba taffy peanut butter bars and provides military services.”

Tracking down candy can be something you do? I just spent thirty seconds on Google and I found some Abba Zaba bars.  It’s not exactly like tracking the abominable snowman.

I just hope he doesn’t micromanage the military services the way he does the Astros.

Lastly, I recommend that you read this official description of one of the McLane Group companies.  Business majors, explain yourselves.

Roy Oswalt’s Tractor Saves Infant Quadruplets from Certain Death

Posted in Houston Astros, Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 4, 2009 by beckeesh

“Jaws of Life” Pave Way for Tearful Reunion

In a turn of events that can only be termed “ironical,” Houston Astros pitching ace Roy Oswalt saved quadruplet infants from certain death Sunday near his Weir, MS home.

“I saw ’em up in the tree,” Oswalt explained later during a press conference. “And then I saw ’em fall. And I thought, Well, Drayton give me this tractor. Best use it!”

Of the nearly 900 hours Oswalt has logged on the impressive machine, this was the first spent clearing lives, not land.

“I drove up under where they was,” Oswalt described, “and I had to think fast, so I stuck my arm out like this – and they just plopped right in there easy as pie.”

Asked if he foresaw such dramatic events when he paid the jillions of dollars it costs to purchase such an important vehicle in order to selflessly gift it to Oswalt three years ago, Astros owner Drayton McLane was thoughtful. “You know, it’s not what I had in mind. It’s better! If this tractor that I generously gave to Roy three years ago out of friendship could help out those little babies, well dang it that’s better than what I had in mind!”

The family of the quadruplets could not be reached for comment.


OK, seriously…

Like you I’m sure, I clicked on a couple weeks ago and saw a picture of Roy Oswalt with his tractor beneath a headline that read, “Roy Oswalt gives back to hometown.” (It’s true; they changed the heading by now, but you can find the original here.)

I know, I thought he must’ve heroically saved quadruplets, too!

Turns out he’s opening some steak restaurant… Old story. (Hel-lo, Astros Insider March!) But I guess old is new when one finds a way to link the tractor to it. Genius! Who thought of that? Alyson, was it you? That’s why they pay you the big bucks!

Hey, maybe they’ll add this story as an addendum to the tractor blurb that already lives on the back of Oswalt Topps cards. Ooh, quick, email Jon Miller so he can mention this every time the Astros get Game of the Week coverage on ESPN. No, not necessary. I’m sure the powers that be have already added it to Drayton’s biography.

Cooper could be first manager fired

Posted in Houston Astros with tags , , , on April 15, 2009 by Cabeza De Vaca

See Ken Rosenthal’s column.  He says that the veteran players don’t like Cooper.  Amen.  Cooper is absolutely horrible.

New-han’s On Deck, or, Predictions Schmictions

Posted in Houston Astros with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 30, 2009 by Astropolithecus

Quick check in on our beloved and terrifyingly inconsistent disAstros.

I have not blogged in a bit, mostly because I was intently watching my NCAA Tigers go all the way to the Sweet 16, only to be dismantled by Missouri. And Now I’m watching Kentucky try to woo Memphis’ future away.

ANYhoo, this is not a Memphis blog, though Calipari could learn from the loyalty of Bagwell, Biggio, and Berkman.

This is an Astro blog, and though hope springs eternal yada yada, No one in baseball has the slightest respect for the Astros’ chances to even compete in the NL Central. Despite our scrappy pedigree, even the Reds are consistently picked ahead of us, though they have proven nothing more than the Stros as far as I’m concerned.  

I state this now. Listen oh predicting and Astro loving world.  A very slow start, or more than 3 early injuries, and we can kiss the Astros’ season goodbye, but even a medium start, and I will guarantee you the Astros hang around for postseason contention.  Our pitching staff, though the weak point of the team, isn’t as horrifying as everyone predicts.  I respect Moehler, Hampton is solid if healthy, and Wandy could easily have his best year this year, put it all together, so to speak. 

How many times has a team’s pitching staff proven saltier and more durable than anyone expected.  There are at least two story lines like that EVERY YEAR in Major League Baseball. 

And don’t get me started on how disrespected our hitters are, at least as a group.  Now that we’ve got Pudge too, Our lineup is very solid. I’d take our club’s hitters over the Red’s any day of the week.  Berkman and Lee are blue chippers, and the only knock against Pence is that his sophomore season wasn’t spectacular. The only knock on Matsui is his health, which is a legitimate worry, but when he’s playing, baby, money all the way.  Remember the Rockies folks? Not that long ago.   And Tejada? Still one of the best hitting shortstops in the game. And he’ll have something to prove coming in.

I’d put our bullpen up against any in the majors.

So, there you go. All the predictors can BITE ME!

The 2009 Astros probably won’t win the division, but they will compete for the Wild Card.    

My only major concern now(besides injuries)?


After Cabeza’s research, and after reading about Newhan’s anger concerning Cooper’s handling of his release, I am worried about his leadership. I was a big supporter last year, and I think he is a gritty, cool guy, but he may not be a good leader with the Astros. Now, he may be, Newhan could just be blowing justifiable steam, but if the players don’t respect Cooper, we’ve got a problem.  Wade may not be liked all around, but I bet he’s got some respect from the boys.

If the players leave it out on the field, then the weird Wade and Cooper vibes will dissipate, but if not…

Of course Drayton McClane is a weirdo, and they’ve been fine under him for a number of years. 

A player, and soon, should make a statement of solidarity concerning Cooper. Please.

P.S. Concerning Wade, I’ll hear other arguments, but don’t bring up Chacon and how Wade handled that badly.  Shawn Chacon is an idiot.  Don’t attack your boss after you instigated an argument.  Don’t PHYSICALLY attack him anyway.

I repeat, I don’t care what Oswalt said, Chacon is a hot headed moron, who blew a chance at late career glory because he wanted to flex up against a sixty year old man who gave him a second chance to start. At least Caminiti waited till he was retired.

Shame on You

Posted in Houston Astros with tags , , , , , on September 16, 2008 by beckeesh

… Drayton McLane

You sold us out.  Without your stamp of approval, this either wouldn’t have happened, or it would’ve happened under serious and unified protest.

… Bud Selig

Obviously, we did not play two “home” games in Milwaukee, nor did we play two games at a “neutral” site.  We played two games in a roofed stadium full of 23,000 Cubs bleacher bums.  That’s more bleacher bums than fit at Wrigley, making it a worse venue for us than the one on Clark Street.

… Aramis Ramirez

Wow, I really didn’t know you had this in you: “If they cry about it, that’s the wrong thing to do because you’ve still got to play the game,” he said. “You’ve got to go out there and try to win ballgames. It doesn’t matter where you play or what situation you’re in. We’re on the road, too. Even though we had a lot of Cubs fans, we weren’t playing at Wrigley Field.” 

So, you’re betting you won’t face Oswalt in October?

Complete Bull

Posted in Houston Astros with tags , , , , , , on September 14, 2008 by beckeesh

Bud Selig’s office, in conjunction with Drayton McLane, have moved two of our three scheduled games against the Cubs to Wrigley North, er, Miller Park.  According to Uncle Drayton, this is being done out of respect for Houston fans who are undergoing hardship in the wake of Hurricane Ike.

Just goes to show you, rich people rarely know what the rest of us want.

We want to WIN.

We want the opportunity to brave flooded streets and fork over $6.50 a beer to cheer for our team.  “Go ‘Stros!” we’d shout in one of the only places in town with A/C.

But no, the team is fleeing the scene. Oops, I mean, escaping town.  Oops, I mean, leaving a disaster zone in a slightly hurried way.

Lance, la Guagua, Roy-O and co. are headed north to play a “home” game in front of 30,000 Cubs fans.   Oh, and plenty of Brewers fans.  (Which side will they be on?) 

Meanwhile, back in Houston, ‘Stros fans will, if they’re lucky, tune in the radio to hear Brett Dolan’s play by play.  (I’ll save further comment on that for another post.)

Since I’m not in Houston, I’ll be watching via satellite, saving choice and important words for our owner, who better be sitting front row center.


Update:  If you want to get even angrier, or more depressed, please visit the Cubs and Brewers mlb message boards.  Those witty Cubs fans are promising to teach those horrible Brewers fans the words to that absolutely awful song, “Go Cubs, Go.” 

This reminds me, since we are the home team, will “Deep in the Heart of Texas” be sung during the seventh inning stretch?  Yes, imagine how ridiculous it would be.  Yes, imagine how utterly ridiculous it will be to see the Astros wearing white jerseys beneath a sea of blue.

Astros Trade Deadline Masterstrokes

Posted in Houston Astros with tags , , , , , , on August 3, 2008 by Cabeza De Vaca

Well, the trade deadline has come and gone, with one “blockbuster” deal getting in under the wire. The Astros, 14 games back in the NL Central, certainly made some moves with an eye to the future, right? Gotta try and restock baseball’s worst farm system, right? Wait, what? We picked up Randy Wolf?… and LaTroy Hawkins?… at the price of a prospect each? Hang on a second, we’re….. BUYERS?

Okay, okay, never say die. Never give up. I just need to give this a chance. Maybe it’s time for the Chronicle’s tombstone, version 2.0. This is a second half team. Always was, always will be. Drayton is a champion, and champions don’t give up.

Y’all ever seen Rocky? Drayton’s just like Sly Stallone in that movie. He’s got the heart of a champion. Probably has the eye of the tiger, too, and he doesn’t know any other way. I reckon he’s pounding on slabs of meat right now. Heck yeah, I’m excited!

Ed Wade doesn’t roll over either. That’s just who he is. He, too, has that “champion” chromosome, hard-wired in his DNA. It’s complicated. Let’s just say that the only thing rolling over in the Astros’ front office will be Ed Wade’s anytime minutes rolling over to next month. Why should he waste them on the Dodgers, who were desperate for a shortstop? Sure, Matt Kemp sounds awfully nice, but we just got Miggy, and trading him would be like telling all those other GMs “I messed up.” Ed Wade doesn’t make mistakes, this team is built to win and win now! So let’s do this!

The first player, Woody Williams, err, I mean, uh, Randy Wolf. Oops. How could I confuse them? The former is a right-handed Petco Park-created mirage, and the latter is a left-handed Petco Park-created mirage. By the way, the only thing that could have made Woody a worse fit for Minute Maid Park is if he were left-handed. Yo, Ed, that 6.63 road ERA didn’t worry you a little?

Aww, shoot. There I go getting negative again. This is gonna be great. We were just one Randy Wolf away from a stretch run. Oh, dang, did you notice that 3 of Wolf’s 10 road starts were in San Francisco and Seattle? Not exactly places were the home team crushes the ball. Does it worry you that his career ERA and BAA are strikingly similar to another post-Tommy John Astros pitcher in his early thirties?

I don’t mean to sound like a naysayer, or worse, a Chad Reineke fan. However, it seems to me that the problem isn’t so much what we gave up, it’s that this doesn’t help the team. It certainly does nothing to help the team’s chances next year. Couldn’t anyone have a 6.63 road ERA? I mean, John Van Benschoten has history’s worst ERA for anyone with 75 innings of work, and his road ERA is 7.36.

Since I’m looking for silver linings, I’ll go ahead and point out that Wolf has a chance to go ahead and suck really bad for us this year so that Wade doesn’t try to sign him as a free agent this winter.

Next up, LaTroy Hawkins, who was designated for assignment by the Yankees a week ago. Hey, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Or, I mean, one man’s trash is another man’s Oscar Villareal/Chad Paronto gap-filler. If you like those guys, a 23:17 K:BB ratio and a 5.71 ERA await.

Aren’t we getting older when we need to be getting younger? On the bright side, next year, when we’re talking about the Astros in Spring Training, we’ll be saying, “Sure we don’t have any up and coming talent, but remember how Ed Wade’s moves near the trade deadline kept us from finishing in last place? That, my friend, was a summer to remember!”