Frack! Sorry I’m late to spring training.

Wow,

 I’m sorry I’m so late to spring training.  I had no idea it had even started. I must have had the times wrong. I’ve been hanging out in Panama, drinking guava daiquiris. Lee told me the report date was toda- hey, where’s Randy Wolf?

Anyway, I’m like totally sorry.

Um, Why does Miggy’s locker have yellow tape wrapped around it?

Berkman’s not sulking-I’m getting really frackin’ freaked  out –??!! Holy crap, who’s the old guy with a beard and taped wrapped all  around his torso?! Is he pitching, is he a new pitching coach?! No one told me-WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

 Whoa, Baseball Projection ranked us where?

No, I just can’t do this right now, no , just, just STOP!!     Look, I’m gonna grab some brunch with M-Lo and my new boy T-Hall to settle my stomach. I’ll see you guys at  Brad A’s annual spring meeting where he roasts all the new young free agents. At least that’ll cheer me up.  

                     Peace,

                               Berkmaniac

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